Archives for the month of: January, 2012


One fine day, this bunny went a-runnin for a change. Just a-runnin. In an innocent, devoted kind of a way. Up hill, down dale, through the glades of former glories. With no special intent; no keepin a lookout; no particular reason to be carryin a camera. Me, I like to think she was bird watchin, this bunny. She carefully avoided the paths she used to love, until—by sheer blunder—she found herself ensconced among the beech trees, a place of long-lost thrill and kisses. Heartened—when she might have been blown—she settled herself. And waited. You might even say she hid. She didn’t mind the cold. She welcomed the damp. She was wrapped in her faithful grey marl sweats. Glowing from the run. She was resting. Waiting. Camera in hand.

And prowling predictably through the trees, the wolf, he made his big bad entry. About the time he always did. Not that I had been expecting him, you get me. Not that I had a plan—oh no. Me, I’m just a sweet little cookie, just like my Poppa told me. But I snuck a shot—why not?

Clickety-click-click-click.

Any un-sweet part of me is his fault.

Click.

I was centred as the sun in the sky, calm as a cat on a hot tin roof. I was cold as a blistering fire. How beautiful he was still, so powerfully alone. His being charged with my dreams; dreams breathy; dreams gone. I wanted so much to hate him, to hold him, to hold him to me. My pulse rose and paddled, knocking at my heart. Driving terrible tickle to that itty-bitty part. Tides rose and fell, sluiced me of anger.

A certain cotton coddler, dear little thing, discovered the secrets of…

Aah, but that: I keep.

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extract from New Scientist journal 2008

The Art of Gusset Reading is as ancient as that of teacup reading, palm reading, the Runes, the I-Ching, the Tarot. Evidence suggests it was originally developed by the Ancient Egyptians, as has been deciphered by an on-going and extensive academic study of numerous hieroglyphs throughout Ancient Egyptian temples and tombs; though some believe that this Art harks back even earlier, to the civilisations of Mesopotamia.  Due to the unprecedented nature of this subject matter, this extraordinary discovery has only recently come to light and is still viewed as largely unexplored territory, with far-reaching possibilities anthropologically. The findings are now being processed and interpreted by a group of scholars who are recognising that this Ancient Art is a window into the peoples of ancient history. In effect, this discovery is handing us a key.

There are so far forty-seven different patternings (originating from secretion stains), with corresponding readings, come to light, but it is thought by many experts on Egyptology that there may be as many as forty more. This is a point of contention, causing dissent amongst this faction of the scholarly community, as some believe that forty-seven, being a prime number, and therefore highly prized by the Egyptians for its magical qualities, points to a complete code. The ‘forty-seven’ dissenters are now consulting with gynaecologists, and various members of the scientific community, including Dr Werner Koenig of The University of Sacramento, who says, ‘We are now conducting our own supporting study, using female volunteers, and the ensuing evidence is beginning to suggest that forty-seven gusset stain formations may be too limited. This is an exceedingly difficult definitive to accomplish as the subtle differences noted in the gusset markings are, in all probability, infinite.’ Egyptology professor, Dr Steven Dearing, argues that, ‘(it’s) not as simple as defining just how many actual formations there are, in life, in the human female gusset, it’s about finding a pattern within the markings, a code so to speak, so that certain markings fall within a particular patterning. That is, there could be ten, twelve, even twenty variants, on one patterning, and our challenge is to find the boundary, as it were, so that these variants can be fed into the right reading. This is, of course, being explored in the hieroglyph codes themselves, as well as in scientific research.’

So far, just three hieroglyphic meanings have been defined, using extensive Egyptian archives as well as additional research, each one describing the mental, emotional, bodily and spiritual state of the reading-seeker. As in the Tarot, the qualities are proving to be archetypal—the first of the three being those qualities of the High Priestess, the second of the Hanged Man, and the third of the Fool. It is, as a result, anticipated that most, if not all, of the Tarot’s Major Arcana twenty-two trump card qualities will emerge in subsequent definitions. It is even being suggested by some that the Tarot, believed to have originated in 1392, may be a great descendant of the lost Art of Gusset Reading. Margaret Hammond, writing for Kindred Spirit, has said, ‘The core meaning of Tarot’s High Priestess is secret wisdom. She is said to have sprung from the Egyptian Black Isis in her veiled form. And here, in the first connection to the card unveiled by this new research, the gusset brings us its initial wisdom, and clue to its hidden past.’

At first, the Art of Gusset Reading was considered, due to its nature, a very female form of fortune seeking, but research is beginning to prove that males, too, sought to consult the ancient gusset wisdom. In fact, in cases of both men and women, the gusset to be read was not always that of the owner. It was more often the gusset of the reader, which evidence substantiates was a priestess known as a ‘lay magician’, providing services such as counselling, magical arts, healing and ceremony. The magician would have to be advised in advance of the particular reading-seeker so that her excretions on the day would pertain to the concerns of that individual. Cases also indicate that a relative, be it husband, father, brother or son, would ask the relevant female to provide her gusset for their personal reading, with due warning, on the day of their reading. It was believed that this was a most profound and accurate source of soothsaying, on account of the fact that the material was actual energy, believed to be that of the goddesses Isis, Hathor or Nut, emitting through the female body in physical form. It was said to be the most pure human emission on earth.

Consider the fact that the average female did not wear underwear in the way we wear it, daily, today. It was apparently developed as a ‘tool’ for the purpose of this very worthy Art. We now realise we have the Egyptians, or possibly even the Mesopotamians, to thank for the invention that was the precursor to modern female underwear as we know it, let alone the future revival of Gusset Reading.

Naturally, there is a great deal of excitement about the Ancient Art of Gusset Reading in many areas of human exploration, among them Anthropology, Philosophy, Psychology, and even the many strands of the New Age movement. There is much research to be completed in all these areas before this ancient system can be fully understood and realised in our modern society. This enigmatic and Ancient Art of Gusset Reading is gradually revealing mysterious secrets from the realms of history and handing us a wealth of exciting possibilities, both as individuals and as a society.

To find out more about The Ancient Art of Gusset Reading, go to http://www.newscientist.com/ancientartofgussetreading